Its 1:30 on Saturday morning March 6, 2010. The theme of the last 8 months has been intense stretching. Many things have taken place. I have been stretched to the point of almost snapping. I have been broken by God. I am now completely shattered. God is teaching me so many lessons. It is so overwhelming. Learning to become an adult is a hard business. But God is faithful through everything He brings my way.
I’m learning how to pray. I am learning that it doesn’t have to be pretty. I’m learning its ok to literally cry out to God in utter desperation. Crying out to God is powerful. Often I’m so hurt that I don’t know how to put together a pretty prayer. God hears all my prayers, not matter what the wording. Crying out, “Oh God, I can’t help her. Please do what I can’t. . . ,” is just as good as, “Righteous heavenly Father, I bring before Your throne of Grace so and so. . .” God hears both. I cry out in the desperation of my hurting heart and God hears my prayers. Jesus as the mediator and He can unscramble my jumbled words.
I’m learning to be selfless. I am such a selfish person. I do not look out for the needs of others like I should. I do not sacrifice for the good of others near enough. My own comfort needs to mean nothing to me. I am learning that sleep, while I do need it, is not a necessity when I have a friend who needs to talk until 2 in the morning. Or my own wants must be put aside when someone else needs something or needs someone to talk to. Selflessness is a trait I desire. I want to live a selfless life.
I’m learning to read God’s Word. Not, just read it to say I read it, but truly read it to gain something from it. I am learning how powerful it is. It truly does change lives. I’ve seen it time and time again. I always get something out of it. The Word of God will never return void. I am constantly changed by it, that is when I allow the Holy Spirit to convict me and I move on that conviction. I’m learning how much it can encourage a hurting soul, lift up the broken, give peace to the restless and hope to the hopeless.
I’m learning what it means to be a true friend, even when it hurts. Friendship is about give and take. Its about loving someone so much that you are willing to do anything for them. Even if that means I don’t get something I want or need to fulfill something they want or need. Its about telling the truth when it hurts. Its about being willing to listen to the truth when it hurts. Its about being vulnerable, even when you are scared. Its opening up about deep issues and trusting that it won’t be thrown back in your face. Its about really listening to someone. Its about truly hearing what they have to say. Its knowing what they are saying when they say nothing at all. Its saying, “I will stand beside you. I will do everything in my power to help you through this. I know I can’t fix this, but I will stay right here by your side and hold you up. I will hold you literally and I will hold you up before the throne of Grace in prayer to our heavenly Father.” Its about thanking God daily for the wonderful friends He has placed in your life.
I’m learning what it truly means to be a follower of Christ. Its not just about my knowing and believing in His saving work on the Cross. Its about living a life that is honoring and pleasing to Him. Its about being faithful in the little things. Its about letting Christ reign supreme in my life. Its making Him my focal point.
I’m learning what it means to take things one day at a time. Some days, its one hour at a time. Other days, its one minute at a time. Taking things a week at a time or a big chunk at a time only harms me. Its when I take things one day at a time that I can truly enjoy what God had for me.
I’m learning not to worry. Worry hurts me more than it hurts anyone else. I am not to worry. I am to take it all to the Lord. He is the one who can carry it all. My arms aren’t big enough. His arms are everlasting. My heart is big, but His reaches as far as the east is from the west. My back is strong, but God’s back is all powerful and all mighty. He is the only one who can truly “fix” all the problems of the ones that I love.
I am learning to let go. Letting go is a big box. Letting go of the bitter feelings I have towards my dad. Being able to say, I am not going to put up my wall and not let anyone in. Allowing people to see my weaknesses. Its saying, “Guess what? I don’t have it all together all the time. It may seem like I do, but I do not.” Its being ok with not being ok. Its letting go of those that I love and placing them in God’s hands.
Most importantly of all are the small lessons: Its about love. Its about loving without abandon. Its about serving God with all my heart and soul and mind and strength. Its about caring for others. Its about letting the Spirit of God dwell in me and following its leading. Its about not giving up. Its about keeping my head held high eve n when I fail miserably. Its about looking for God in every situation. Its about looking to God in all circumstances. Its about trusting in the Faithful, Loving, Gracious, Merciful, Kind God to do all that He has promised. Its about meeting with Him daily in prayer and bible study. Its about the little things.
No comments:
Post a Comment