Better than a halleljuah

I'm learning that God isn't always looking for praise. He wants an honest heart. Somedays, my heart hurts. Its just hard to praise Him. My heart cries out to God. My life is a mess right now. There is one thing I must cling to: God's everlasting arms are holding me up. Even though I cannot see the purpose for all the struggles in my life right now, I must remember that God is completely in control and He loves and cares for me. Life is hard. Loving people is hard. I am nothing without Christ. Through Him, I will come out on top of the depression, the broken relationships, the broken heart, and everything else.

"Pain touches everyone. Heartache falls on every heart. All of us go through the storms. It doesn't matter who you are. When you're up against the wind and you feel you've lost you're way, listen to me say: I loved you then. I love you now. I will love you tomorrow. When this world breaks you down, I will give you strength to stand. Look to Me. Take My hand and just believe, before this day ever began: I loved you then."

I love God. I want to serve Him where ever He wants me to. I want to love people. I want to change the world for Christ.

"I want to leave a legacy. How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to you enough to leave a make on things? I want to leave an offering. A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapolgetically: and leave that kind of legacy."

When Everything Falls Apart

Most recently, I have felt like my life has been falling apart. I've felt completely out of control. And shockingly, for the most part, I've been ok with it. I'm fine with the fact that I feel totally inadequate most days. I'm not saying I still don't struggle, because that would be a bold faced lie. I still have bad times, but they are shorter and farther between. I'm sleeping better now. (with meds, but I'll take it) I'm learning to let people love me. It's really hard sometimes, but I am slowly but surely getting there. God is so good to me. A song has been really important to me recently.

Its called Everything Falls by Fee.

You said You'd never leave or forsake me

You said this life is gonna shake me

You said this world is gonna bring trouble on my soul, this I know

When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together

When everything falls apart, You're the only hope for this heart

When everything falls apart, and my strength is gone, I find You mighty and strong

You keep holdin' on, You keep holdin' on

Sorrows may last for the night, but hope is rising with the sun, rising with the sun

There will be storms in this life, but you will overcome, you will over come

When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together

When everything falls apart, You're the only hope for this heart

When everything falls apart, and my strength is gone, I find You mighty and strong

You keep holdin' on, You keep holdin' on

This song has been keeping me going. And the love of my godly friends.

Pain

Don't love me
Don't care about me
I'm not good for you.
You deserve so much more
I love you so much
I want to see you thrive in life
I just cause you undo stress.
I am too clingy
I am too distant
Where is the balance
How do I continue
I hate this feeling