Hmm. . . This is really random.

I don't know any more. Meds on board for a week now. I'm more out-of-control than before. Emotions are so dumb. I never know if something should upset me or not upset me. I'm so emotionally unstable. I want stability. I long for stability. "Eventually" they say, "It will come." Eventually is not an actual time. I guess I have noticed a little change, well I didn't, Abby did. She says my moods are leveling out. I'm up longer and down shorter. I have had some good days this week and some bad. About the same number of each. Jenn and I are getting along great. I was finally up front with her, and it opened up a lot. I've been sick for a day. I'm so tired. Its no fun. I got in bed at 8:40 tonight. How lame? I was ready to crash at 8. I did not want too come to bed, but functioning out side of my bed is not an option right now. I'm tired of exhaustion. Where do I go from here? Been to this question so many times, multiple times in the past months, more like almost daily. It was so good to talk to Manda today. I've missed her so much. Absence does make the grow fonder. There is screaming in the hall way. I don't know what is going on. My head hurts. I'm confused. I'm talking to Cinda. I'm waiting for Bethany. I hope she can hold me tonight. I like being held. Never thought I'd say that. But I like it nonetheless. I like that word: nonetheless. Everyone has lost it. The dorm has been crazy this week. My room is really clean for this time of the week. My bed is comfy. My turtle is mostly naked. Lexi is only in her pink Hello Kitty underwear. I got bored so I decided to leave her partial naked. My tummy is making funny noises. I'm hungry. I put my Cars bed sheets back on my bed on Tuesday. I'm kind of cold. I'm excited about my woman's topical message. Its going to be good. I'm tired. I should go to sleep. But I know as soon as I lay my head down, my mind will run run run. I got a 105 on my Hebrews test. Could have gotten at 107 but I missed one. Classic over-achiever. I want to meet my standards. I have high standards. Maybe too high? I want to do well. I want to succeed. All I feel is failure. This is really long.