Late Night Thoughts of the Extremely Exhausted

Maybe God has taken them away from me so that I can have something better.

I can't imagine anything better than the two of them.

They were so loving and so kind.

They cared so much about me.

How could someone else ever care about me like that?

But God has put me here for a reason.

This has been so hard.

I think about them every day.

I pray for them every day.

Its so hard to forget someone you were so close to.

Little things remind me of the fun times I had with them.

Life is changing so quickly.

I am expected to make decisions for myself.

I'm scared to make a wrong decision.

I want to make good decisions, but in my fear I am making no decisions

I must continue to ask God for the strength to overcome my fear.

After all, He is bigger than all.

God, help me overcome my fears. Help me to lean on You for all I need. Allow me to use Your strength to be who You want me to be.

My theme song lately has become the song, "Best I Can" by Disciple. The second verse and chorus go like this: "Been thinkin about, its hard to see what You see in me. Could You lay it out for me? Been thinking about, this isn't the way that I thought it would be. When I can barely hold on, You promise You won't let me go. And I want You to know. That I don't live a perfect life, but God knows I trying the best I can. And I have wasted so much time pretending I'm not lying about who I am. And now I'm living the best I can. I'm breaking down and now I've found a reason to make it, this time around." This is a prayer of mine to God. I tell Him: "Some days I don't get what you see in me, but You can lay it out for me. I don't life a perfect life, but You know I am living the best I can.

This is really jumbled and unorganized but remember the title.

Gripped by His Grace

Seeing God Today

After church today, we went up to camp for lunch. I decided that instead of riding back with the rest of the girls, I would walk back to the Ransoms. It was a three mile hike. I decided that I would let Kyla and Heidi take me half the way so it ended up being a 1.5 mile hike. It was hot. I was all sweaty by the time I got back. But I saw God today. I looked up at the mountains and hills and all the beautiful scenery and I was just in awe. The God of the universe made everything my eyes can see, yet He still loves and cares for me. He sent His Son to die so that I could live with Him forever in Heaven.

I am blessed beyond measure

The Prayer of a little child of God

Father,

I hurt. You know that. You know all my hurts. I want to do what You want me to do. I need You more than ever right now. I love them so much. I just want them to know that. You know that. I never meant for things to get this messed up. Teach me to be more like You. Chisel me until there is nothing left but You. I want people to look at me and see You. I love you. I want to be like You. I want to have only You flowing from inside me.

Please help me. Only You can do this. Only You can look inside and change me from the inside out.

PLEASE LORD HELP!

Your daughter,

Jessi

Jumbled Thoughts of A Child of God

Have you ever wondered, "Do I really KNOW the God I serve? Do I really KNOW this savior that died for me? I want to know my God."

This thought has come to my mind many, MANY times in the last 4 days. I know I am saved. I know many things about God, but do I truly KNOW God. I want to truly know my God. I need to be striving to truly know Him.

God,
I want to know You more. I am scared. You know that. I just want to do the best I can for You. Maybe Rachel is right. Maybe I am trying to hard. God, I just want to do what You want me to do. I wish it was easy to find out. Help me to study Your Word this week. Help me to truly pray for your guidance. Help me to fall so much in love with You that everything I do flows from you. I want to know You. Help me to know you.
Love, Your daughter and servant,
Jessi